Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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