This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
