Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
