I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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