We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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