this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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