Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
