I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
