he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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