): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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