I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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