Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
