There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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