I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
