you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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