My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.