You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage