last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix