on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
