His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
