everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
