In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.