still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on