Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.