no, he came in my armpit
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
