you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Randomize
