I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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