Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
