the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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