Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
