I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
