i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
