I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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