So drunk its hurt
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize