I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
