How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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