It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
worst night to have a conscience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
