i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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