Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
