so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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