you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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