I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
