It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
