Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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