You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
