I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
