Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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