wrigley field is MILF paradise
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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