I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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