I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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