My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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