just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
