i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
