maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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