Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
