I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize