I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
