My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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