I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
