Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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